Fighting Apathy: A Personal Journey

What is apathy?

Apathy is a state of indifference, lack of interest, or emotional expression that can affect a person's ability to function in daily, social, or professional life. Here is my personal story with apathy, and some helpful ways to overcome this behavior that I've learned over the years.

Growing up

When I was in middle school, I began to struggle with apathy. I felt disengaged from life around me on a weekly basis. I believe much of it stemmed from the constant consumption of content that ultimately wasn't beneficial to my mental or spiritual health. I became addicted to pornography, I binge-watched series on Netflix, Disney+, HBO Max, Crunchyroll. Often times, the things we watch on those platforms would become triggers for my struggle with lust.

Other things included the news I was consuming, school shootings, terrorist attacks, wars, and hurricane disasters. I felt caught up in a cycle of endless consumption, I rarely gave my mind a chance to breathe from the filth I was consuming. Video games became another escape, and I found myself moving from one dopamine hit to the next.

When I finally put down my phone or turned off my computer, I lacked interest in the world around me. I felt as though nothing was worth pursuing because it wasn't entertaining for me. Although, I still sometimes feel apathy creeping in, I now recognize how deeply those habits affected me. Now let's talk about how I overcame them.

Identifying Behaviors

What you'll notice is that several behaviors lead into each other. Lust leads to shame, shame leads to feeling defeat, defeat leads to feeling indifferent about life or not having the desire to lead a prosperous life (Apathy). There are really two ways you could lean when coming across stressors like this. You could lash out with aggression or you can shut down. I fall more towards the shutting down side.

I needed to recognize this behavior before I could start finding a resolution. For me, and I'm sure for many others, there are triggers in our lives that start the cycle, it could be triggering images online, it could be stress or anxiety from work or school, it can be any number of things.

There are a couple of great books and series that have helped me through this process to start recognizing these habits:

• Atomic Habits by James Clear
• Purify Your Mind Series by Joe Kirby
• Fighting Shadows: Overcoming 7 Lies That Keep Men from Becoming Fully Alive by Jefferson Bethke and Jon Tyson

All of these helped me identify unhealthy habits.

Another wake-up call was becoming a father. As I reflected on my life, I realized I needed to set an example for my children. If they see me constantly on my phone or watching TV, they'll be inclined to do the same. Children naturally want to mirror what they see in us, and this realization made it easier to put screens aside and focus on my relationship with them. This definitely helped with focusing more on my behavior and less on letting my mind be constantly entertained.

Leaning on Christ

I think the biggest part of overcoming these behaviors was focusing on my relationship with Jesus first and foremost. When I began aligning my actions with Him, praying more, prioritizing His desires over my own, and staying rooted in His Word, I noticed my heart softening, and my screen time decreasing naturally during my free moments. I feel peace within my soul, I don't shut down from the anxiety or stress of work, I feel like I have a purpose that's beyond this world.

A particular verse resonated even more deeply once I had my daughter:

"At that time, the disciples came to Jesus, saying, 'Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?' And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, 'Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.'" (Matthew 18:1-3)

There's so much to unpack in these verses, but consider how a child behaves: they look up to their parents, wanting to be close to them, and they're not preoccupied with ambition, glory, or the troubles of this world. They're naturally free from these burdens unless they're imposed on them. So what does that mean for us? We must become like a child in this way, looking up to our Father in Heaven, obeying His commands, being care free like a child who just wants to be with their parents. Once we realize this, we will find true purpose and peace in our lives.